Diary of a Madman

password for locked pages is 12321

March 2023 additions are using this colour.


March 8 2023

This site has been created and edited by me, a man with mental illness that was kept in check for the last eighteen years with meds, a caring although enabling partner, a secure job, family and friends. At the start of the covid 19 epidemic the meds were altered and ineffective by May 2022 which led to a manic episode and it all started unravelling … whereby i retired too early from the secure job. I started smoking 'street heroin' in July 2022 and by September 2022 i was admitted into hospital and started ‘suboxone’ treatment. 

I weaned down and tried to get off the suboxone mid December 2022, but the withdrawals were so severe that I had to get back on them. The subs are no longer working, and every day is now hell. I may have hypothyroidism now due to the subs, so I can't sleep, I have no appetite, I have anhedonia, my anxiety and depression are worsening day by day. I have severe tinnitus and get shocks through my nervous system from the slightest sharp sound. it's a struggle just to make it through a day, and it's getting worse. I am desperate. I can't live like this but I don't want to die. I will try not to incriminate anyone in telling my story, but the truth must be told. I am opening up in all honesty here on my site here as a cautionary tale. It's all I can do to keep the little bit of sanity I have left.

God Help Me !

Inside the site, I'm working on my ‘bio’ to tell the tales of nature vs. nurture. I was groomed by several people which led to my mental illness that was undiagnosed until I was forty four years old.

From here on down is the evidence of my mania.


The Butterfly Effect

We only see a minute fraction of anything in which to draw any conclusions.

In other words, we don't know anything.

Docta Ignorantia

Freedom exists within any question.

Any definitive answer delivers one

to a prison of conclusions.



there are no answers and no conclusions.

Only endless possibilities.


Those who danced were thought to be insane

by those who could not hear the music. - Angela Monet



To skip this long convoluted page click on Butterfly

Tawmy's Stream Of Consciousness WebLog

dId yoU kNow tHAt ONe uV Tommy's AnGeLs TQQK cARe uV TommY

unTiL sHe aRRiVed TeN yEars After he did ...  ?¿?

cLick scRoLL fQr eXpLAnation

refresh Refresh ReFresh as site pages continally morphs....

yoU aRe oN tHe LAnDing Page ... a WebLog uV sORts

iT HAs cHAnged conTinUally aS sUCh fOR mAny yEARS

tHIS pAge iN it's eXpanding form hAs bEEn MorphINg eXponentiALLY since December 21st 2021

onLY RecentLY DiD i stART DAting tHEM ... eNUFF sAID Fred ...

'Likes', 'Dislikes', View Count ALgoRhYthMS, and ads are virtually non-existant on this site,

and have been 'modified' on our social media platforms.

The strange TrYnarY CoDe prevalent on the site, and irritating to some, is used for purposes of

communication between certain 'geeks' on the darker web. There is nothing nefarious going on within the site.

The TrYnarY code, and other oddities has also kept the site low on search engine rankings,

thereby keeping the ultimate 'SECRET' here a 'S3CR3T'.

For GQQD Reason ... whY ?¿...  NeverMind ... we'LL eXpLain later ... maYbe ...

For now ... just Let It All Go ...